Hi. Julie Wilson here.

Firstly, I want to apologize that I referred to myself in the third person in the headline. In my defense, how else were I to get your attention to get you to click the link?
Secondly, thank you for clicking the link. I hope the words you’re about to read dazzle your heart and tickle your brain leading you to listen in on my morning show from 6a-10a Monday through Friday.

Now. What you’re here for- my red flags. Frankly, I find them comical- others will disagree and scoff, but that’s okay. We’re all flawed human bags of flesh, so I fault no one.

@929thebeat 🚩🚩🚩 @andjuliewilson #missouri #mo #springfieldmo #radio #morning #morningcherr #morningroutine ♬ Toxic – Britney Spears

Red Flag Number 1: I love dogs. Now, I realize that alone is not a red flag, but, I offer the depths of my love. For instance, I will woo any stray dog into my car. The dog could be foaming at the mouth, clearly rabid, have a peg leg, an eye patch, be swinging full on Excalibur at me- I wouldn’t flinch. I’d offer cuddles and snacks. I’m a firm believer that all dogs deserve good humans. Dogs are pure.

Red Flag Number 2: I will go to great lengths to make people laugh- primarily at my own expense (see the tik tok story below). I know the pain that it will cause me- I will rise in the middle of the night with wild anxiety questioning why I did what I did before finding peace in the answer: I love the laugh.

@andjuliewilson I don’t know if I should apologize or cry @blueroomcomedyclub #springfield #springfieldmo #MakeABunchHappen #HangUpOnIt #ThanksandGiving ♬ Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree – Brenda Lee

Red Flag Number 3: If you made it this far, congrats. Things are about to go downhill REAL fast. I sometimes have a visitor- her name is Phyllis. Phyllis is a chin hair that sometimes shows up. I think she’s funny and she has brought laughs to tens of people. I have talked about her on the radio before in the past, and I will probably talk about her again. Please prepare yourself.

Red Flag Number 4: At night, I scour Netflix looking for the perfect show to fall asleep to- nothing too entertaining as I will stay up late engaged, but nothing too boring. I always end up finding shows that I am convinced I want to watch. I add those shows to my queue. In my heart of hearts I know I’m not actually going to watch those shows- let alone the massive amounts of movies.

Red Flag Number 5: I have the occasional single friend who will express their desire for a romantic partner. “I’m lonely,” they often confess. “Oh no,” I shriek silently when I hear those two words- I know what’s next. Within moments the jingle “You don’t have to be lonely at FamersOnly.com” echos in my mind. This jingle will be here for days. It’s not that I want my friends to feel the loneliness- I don’t. I’m not cruel. It’s just that I don’t want to always be plagued with a dating website jingle.