Billie Eilish is opening up on her conflicted feelings about her own femininity.

In a new cover story for Variety, Billie says she’s always felt that other women don’t like her, despite the fact that she likes them. “I’ve never really felt like I could relate to girls very well,” she says. “I love them so much. I love them as people. I’m attracted to them as people. I’m attracted to them for real.”

“I have deep connections with women in my life, the friends in my life, the family in my life,” she adds. “I’m physically attracted to them. But I’m also so intimidated by them and their beauty and their presence.”

Billie doesn’t further expound on that, choosing to turn the conversation toward her own femininity and her decision to wear more form-fitting clothes after years of baggy T-shirts and jeans. 

“I didn’t want people to have access to my body, even visually. I wasn’t strong enough and secure enough to show it. If I had shown it at that time, I would have been completely devastated if people had said anything,” she explains. 

She notes, “Maybe my not really caring about being sexualized [now] is because I’ve never felt desired or desirable. I’ve never felt like a woman, to be honest with you. I’ve never felt desirable. I’ve never felt feminine. I have to convince myself that I’m, like, a pretty girl.”

“I identify as ‘she/her’ and things like that, but I’ve never really felt like a girl,” she adds.

Billie’s only public relationships to date have been with men.

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